RainWhenever it rains, I like to picture a single drop slowly forming inside a cloud until it becomes heavy enough to begin it's long descent to the wet earth beneath it, and when it finally begins to fall that drop of rain is like, "This is gonna be SO AWESOME! WEEEEEE!!"
And midway down, that drop of rain rasies it's tiny liquid arms, as a camera flashes and sends a funny picture to the souvenir stand, where 16 wallet size prints can be purchased for only $7.99. But the picture makes him look like that heavy kind of water with an extra oxygen atom around the gut, so he just buys some funnel cake and cries and cries. Which gets really trippy, cause then I imagine a teardrop slowly forming underneath the eye of the raindrop, until it realizes that it's also made of water and the stern laws of physics take notice and suck it back in.
So the raindrop, realizing that it can't very well cry tears to show how sad it is to the rest of the world, writes a minimal
My PrescriptionsI have prescription flip flops. I can't wear the regular kind because they make that "flip-flop" sound and I always have an anxiety attack whenever I hear that noise. I think I may have been beaten with a pair as a child. The prescription ones make no sound whatsoever. I call them my blip-blops.
I have prescription mittens. They are specially modified so they can also serve as boxing gloves or pot holders. They are very useful to me, since I get into a lot of fights while cooking during the winter.
I have a prescription mirror. It's for my self esteem. Whenever I look in it, instead of seeing my face I see a big smiley face sticker. It helps a little, but I'm always left wondering if there is any broccoli stuck in my teeth.
I have a prescription finger puppet. Whenever I give someone the finger, the puppet says "What's up, Doc?" You see, my psychiatrist says I
The Ice Cream TruckThe second vehicle I ever owned was an ice cream truck.
I had bought it from a failed clown. He never made it big in the clown business. He was a good clown, very funny and talented, but his name was not a good choice for a clown. I guess I'll never understand why he called himself Devil O'Scabby. I always told him that he should have gone with his given name, Bubbles McFunsy. He would always just look at me and growl.
The ice cream truck was cheap and in good condition, but I had a lot of trouble with it at first. When I bought it, I was under the impression that an ice cream truck runs on ice cream, just like a diesel truck would run on diesel fuel. So the first day I wanted to go for a drive I loaded up the gas tank with Rocky Road and replaced all the oil in the engine with root beer. I only got about three hundred feet before all the marshmallows jammed up the transmission, and caus
The MiceOnce I had a problem with mice. They had a little hole in one of the walls of my bedroom, and at night they would skitter across the floor. Unfortunately, skittering is one of the noisiest ways a mouse can move, and they would keep me up all night running little mouse races around my bed. They were fun to watch at first, but a couple of times they grazed my leg with the starter pistol.
I decided to try and catch them with a basic mouse trap, with a hunk of cheese serving as bait. The mice refused to take the cheese, saying that the piece was too large to pass through their hole and into their burrow.
So the next day I hired an architect to enlarge the mouse hole by a few inches, using tiny sticks of dynamite. This wasn't good enough for them, and they presented me with a list of demands. Apparently, the more sophisticated mice only eat cheese out of a fondue pot with very tiny forks. Outraged, I began to crump