Listening to: "someone something" - Spoon

I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and Alzheimer’s. I hear voices, but I can’t remember what they say.

I spent years learning how to play the triangle, until one day, someone bent my triangle into the shape of a square. I couldn’t play it anymore. It may have sounded the same, but there were too many sides for me to decide which one to hit. I was ok with three, but four was just getting out of hand.

I also spent many years training with masters of the mystical arts. I became so adept at manipulating the space-time continuum that I had total control over the sands of time. I could not, however, get the sands of time out of my hair, even after several showers.

Frustrated with the sand stuck in my hair, I invented the Shampoo of Eternity. The directions for the Shampoo of Eternity are as follows: Wash. Rinse. Repeat until the end of time.

I’m going to invent the Conditioner of Infinity, just as soon as I get done washing my hair and decide what infinity should smell like.

I founded The Foundation to Found Smaller Foundations. Currently, The Foundation to Found Smaller Foundations has founded forty smaller foundations, which in turn have founded a grand total of three hundred and eighty seven foundations. Then I found that hat that I lost, and formally disbanded the Foundation to Find That Hat That I Lost.

I once met a penguin who had no legs. It was a little sad. Fortunately, this particular penguin also had the ability to fly, so everything was pretty much cool.